Well, I checked out this movie Sunday evening.  Now I’ve been a fan of the first three ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movies.  They did all tie together.  Well, this one did tie together with the ending of the third movie. And that if you remember had to do with the magical map that led to the Fountain of Youth.


So there you have it.  The pirates are on a quest for the treasure of the Fountain of Youth. That’s pretty much it.  I sat through this movie thinking the whole time that there was just something missing.  Well for one thing, there were only five characters that were back from the other flicks.  Barbosa, Jack Sparrow (did I forget to say ‘Captain’?), Gibbs, Jack’s daddy, and of course the stupid monkey that doesn’t die.  The monnkey joke really is just old.  This movie was definitely missing the comedy relief that we saw in the previous three films.

Now why am I calling this review the ‘Pirates of the Splash Crusade?’  Well, that’s because I shortened the title a little.  I was going to throw something in there about the ‘Goonies’ as well.  Basically to sum it up… we have a sort of a ‘Holy Grail’ kind of quest.  Oh that’s right, pirates are quest seekers.  Are they?  I thought they pillaged.  Ok, skip that though.  Now let’s go to the side story about the mermaids.  And the capturing of one. I found myself having flashbacks to the Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah film ‘Splash’ as we had a sort of side story about a captive mermaid and a man that fall in love.  Why did I leave out the Goonies in the title?  Well, that flashback came from a visit to the ship of Ponce De Leone that was quite reminiscent of the visit to ‘One-eyed Willie’s’ pirate ship from that movie.  I actually wondered if it was even the same set.


I did see this movie in 3-D.  And I had to ask myself the question of why folks are putting movies in 3-D when they don’t seem to know its uses.  Make that stuff come alive and come out of the screen at me.  That’s what that effect is for.  Depth of field is great and all, but I want it to be in my face if I’m paying for the privilege of seeing it in three dimensions.

Overall, I really have to say that this movie was one of those ‘Well we made money on the first ones, let’s not give it a rest and keep making more until no one gives us money anymore’ kind of movies.  The plot was ok, the surprises were few, and of course you have to wait until the end of the credits to see the last 10 seconds of the movie that is insinuating that they are leaving open the possibility for a fifth such movie.  Well, that would be fine as long as I don’t find myself wanting to take a nap in the middle of that one too.  The effects in the movie were pretty much the same as the last ones.  The 3-D effects were so, so few.  I’m not going to say that it was a terrible movie, but I will say that it was not a great movie.  It reminded me of something that I would sit and read quietly under a lamp at night as a book.

I really did keep finding myself recalling old movies like ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’, the ‘Goonies’, and ‘Splash’ all with the Goonies theme of Pirates, the essence of chalices that take and give life, and the poor little mermaid.  Pirates fans ye be warned.  ‘Tis a scurvy dog that be takin’ yer money for such a movie.  Aarrrgh!! See it on video.


– Pael spelle

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